Be well during the holidays
“There are times when you need the extremity of rock, the hardness of an old, cold place against which you can measure yourself. There are times when you need to retreat to the wilderness. But there are times when you need the subtle flow of a river, the song of a waterfall and the deep, slow presence of trees. Times when you need to Return. There are times for holding on, and times for letting go.”
~ Sharon Blackie
Christmas and holiday season can be such a crazy time for so many of us as we rush to get things wrapped up in all areas of our lives and prepare for the year ahead. There is pressure for it to be a joy-filled time but in reality, it can be a difficult time and bring up uncomfortable feelings for many.
Here are some thoughts and ideas on how to take good care of oneself during the holiday season:
Menstrual Cycle Awareness
It will help to look ahead during the busy time and have some idea of where you will be in your menstrual cycle. Then based on that, what small changes can you make to nourish that time for your body and soul? Here are some suggestions…
Inner Winter: Curl up by the fire. Say no to social things you really don’t want to do. Practice some juicy restorative yoga with a YouTube video. Journal your desires and creative ideas for the new year. Let the pen take over and judge nothing. Ask for help and support if you’re doing a lot of food prep and work.
Inner Spring: Cherish yourself with a brisk morning walk before engaging with too many people. Take an afternoon bath while listening to a podcast. Take time to read a novel.
Inner Summer: Dare to challenge an opinion over the dinner table. Bring yourself fully to the party. Offer compliments. Offer help and support to those doing all the work. Volunteer.
Inner Autumn: Eat more veggies than anything else, move, be creative, spend lots of time in pleasure with hugs, cosy blankets, reading, go to bed early.
Plan ahead
If you’re dreading Christmas and family time, plan ahead with steps you can take to ease any tension. Can you carve out a little more ‘me time’? Can you give yourself permission to remove yourself from situations that can cause harm or that don’t feel good? Put items in the diary for things and people that feel nourishing and supportive. Set little intentions for small things that can support you e.g. if you’re going to be around a lot of alcohol, can you arrange it so that you can drink plenty of water between drinks?
Boundaries
One of the reasons why we can get so triggered by family members is because we have long time attachments with them and can often still be enmeshed with family members. (Enmeshment is when our individual identity can be in some part overlapping with someone else’s leaving us feeling unsure of who we are separate to another person. This can make alone-time and decisions for ourself difficult.)
In this case, it’s really important to be aware of how we relate to family members and set relational and emotional boundaries for ourselves. Then act very compassionately towards ourselves. For example, if someone does or says something that bothers you, is there a way you can emotionally not take it on board? Sometimes we may have to say something. Other times we can just let things go and try our best to move on. The important thing is that you know who you are separate to others and hold the experience in kindness for yourself.
With Menstrual Cycle Awareness, boundaries change and are dynamic. They are not always rigid. For example, I like to keep all screens out of my bedroom in the evening. But when I am menstruating, I love to watch Netflix in bed and therefore see it as a nourishing treat rather than something unhealthy. I also say no to more things during that inner winter time than inner summer. Do what you need to be well in you.
Keep it simple
I love this phrase and remind myself of it almost daily. When it comes to self-care, it doesn’t have to be fancy. Often, it’s more about bringing awareness back into the body than anything. If we find ourselves feeling flustered, stressed and losing ourselves, can we bring ourselves back into the body and see if our basic bodily needs are being met? For example, before starting this thing, or entering into this social interaction, do I need to go to the toilet? Am I hungry? Do I need a drink of water before I begin cooking?
Space and time to breathe
Christmas and the New Year is a special time and can often be a sacred time regardless of religion or spiritual orientation. Take time to mark the transition for yourself. Look back with gratitude for life and the year we’ve had. Look forward with good will for yourself. Take time to be in nature with yourself. Practice lovingkindness metta mediations.
Guilt - does it really serve?
As I teach Menstrual Cycle Awareness and encourage people to get clear on their boundaries, saying no to things they don’t really want to do, I often hear it brings up guilt. This is normal. It happens if we are not used to meeting our own needs more. I like to think that, unless someone really has caused harm, guilt serves nobody. It is our inner critic getting confused with past behaviour or elements of codependency that need some self-compassion and space from the other. If you really don’t want to be somewhere socially, then perhaps it’s better for everyone that you meet your needs so that when you are there, you can be there fully present.
A gift to yourself
We give so many gifts during this time of year. Take time to gift yourself something special. An experience, a walk, light a candle, write a prayer or go all out and treat yourself to something gorgeous in the sales.
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